Monday 26 November 2007

dead popstars

poor old winehouse. looks like the screaming hoards of scum will only be happy when she's gone. preferably really really horridly with tons of suffering and degradation. then everyone'll be able to love her again and maybe one or two of them will wish they hadn't been so mean.
i can only guess that the poor dears shows recently have absolutely had to happen or else cos i can't for the life of me think who would think it would be a good idea to put a wrecked heartbroken treasure who's husband has just been dragged away in handcuffs and ain't coming back for a long long time on a whopping great stage and told to be entertaining. hello birmingham i love you all.
she's hardly a happy little sausage at the best of times. i mean listen to her records sweethearts for crying out loud. even on her monster smash she thinks donny hathaway is a good and healthy role model. splattered on the pavement at 33 it is then.
be nice to her people for gawds sake or we'll all be sorry.
just look what happened to ms holiday.

billie holiday - lover man (oh where can you be)

and it's impossible to think of winehouse and not go straight to the girl groups pile. a couple of crystals tunes seem scarily appropriate.

the crystals - he's a rebel

the crystals - he hit me (and it felt like a kiss)

Saturday 24 November 2007

get your stinking hands off my record

so i've tried to think about the songs that no bugger should ever fiddle with ever again if they value their kneecaps. these are the fine and beautiful suggestions we got on our first go.

planet mondo - john martyn may you never
davy h - surf's up by the beach boys/brian wilson
mrs h - the jam's town called malice
rob - maceo parker's soul of a blackman
fire escape - heaven must have sent you by the elgins
brogues - glen campbell galveston
pretty much everyone - 'witchita lineman' and what's going on
me - the clash white man in hammersmith palais
cricketer by his harperness;the heart of saturday night by tom waits; heaven or las vegas by the cocteaus; all bacharach & david songs recorded by Dionne Warwick
bacharach & david's close to you the carpenters take
move on up
love will tear us apart
the stranglers' golden brown, sex pistols'pretty vacant
neil young cinnamon girl
i hate hate by razzy and the neighbourhood kids
the angels' my boyfriend's back
cold heart by the jasmine minks and stop that girl by vic godard & the subway sect
hip hip by hurrah!
and don't touch cattle and cane.

the thing is the more i worry about it the more songs i want to hide from all the evil little devils who would do them harm and now there's no room under the floorboards for the bundles of cash the vat man will never see and if i'm not careful i'm going to have to make some room in the lock up. it's getting all out of hand.

but i really really must add
rose royce - wishing on a star

tom waits - i'm still here

there's 20 million more and some even made this century but if i don't stop now i'll go completely bananas...

Friday 23 November 2007

don't you want me baby

poor old richard brautigan - you can't give his books away. i'm not suprised he blew his brains out. just tell us a joke and "so the wind won't blow it all away" is all yours. my dad is brilliant at jokes but i can never remember them long enough to repeat them. i missed out on the comedy gene and got the ridiculously short legs and the whopping hooter instead. and why are those american titty bars (sorry tiddy bars) named after noses? anyway at least i'll try a joke to get you started...

a dog limps into a saloon and says "i'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

help me somebody.

there's more fun packed fab giveaways coming up once i've had a bit of a dig about so keep your eyes peeled.

dusty springfield - you don't own me

Wednesday 14 November 2007

so the wind won't blow it all away

it breaks my heart when i find books in charity shops with messages of love in them. beautiful gifts gone unloved. and when there's one in a book that should be treasured forever however you came upon it it's just diabolical. imagine parting with the present of a richard brautigan book. what a bleedin' rotter.

come on in - read novel -
it's on table in front room
- i'll be back in two hours

i would rattle on and on about why i love richard brautigans books and what they're about and why you should read them but as you'll well know if you've read any of the rest of the muck on here i'm an idiot. so the best thing i can think of to do is find a couple of bits for you to listen to then you can make your own minds up.

richard brautigan - revenge of the lawn
jarvcast 3 - excerpt from the tokyo montana express

ps - cocker does a smashing job of telling stories and there are five more jarvcasts via itunes.

pps - i've already got a copy of 'so the wind won't blow it all away' packed away waiting desperately to be on a shelf gathering dust when it gets back home so if you'd like the charity shop liberated copy tell us a joke and it's yours.

Friday 9 November 2007

oh the shame of it

i'm sorry so very very sorry. i've not just let you down i've let myself down. and the fantabulosa institution that is the bona school of polari. i can't think of any words that begin with i. it's a disaster. i know i know... you're not angry you're just disappointed.
and i dread to think what kenneth will have to say.

i suppose at a push we could have the oh so obvious

meaning a sexual partner but i think that's just being desperate. i'm a disgrace really i am.
i do keep meaning to ask for a gin & it when i'm down the boozer but invariably get swayed by a vodka & slimline dave (on the slate, half a lager for the boy) but shall try harder from now and titter to myself slyly as i do. although gin can make me a bit teary on the wrong sort of day so i'd best be careful.

at least the everyday folk have ice cream to cheer them

i scream
you scream
we all scream
for ice cream
(ideally sung in an italian accent. and with tom waits, who i can't imagine liking ice cream much)

to make up for such a poor show here is very probably the greatest single in the whole world. an a and b side of such enormous brilliance that you'll be stalking ebay and digging through over stuffed cardboard boxes till you weep even though you've obviously got both tracks on the young mods forgotten story lp already. sometimes only a 45 will do.

the impressions - choice of colors
the impressions - mighty mighty spade & whitey

Monday 5 November 2007

working on a building of love

being the thrill a minute explosion of excitement and glamour that i am i spent the weekend making a cardboard model of the empire state building (well the much more patient skillful mrs did the tricky bits) then taking pictures of it. you'll never hear anyone say i don't know how to have a good time.

deee lite - deee lite theme

Friday 2 November 2007

sometimes you're better off not knowing

once upon i time i was dumb enough to think studying something i loved was a good plan. thankfully i got stuck in the scala and the everyman and the rio and the renoir and i never got the time to have the magic and the wonder sucked out of me cos we all just know that stuff with jimmy stewart in it is good because it's stuff with jimmy stewart in it and laurel and hardy are just funny and that chinatown will tear you up

jerry goldsmith - love theme from chinatown

Thursday 1 November 2007

you can't hide your love forever

songs of revolution and freedom come from the oddest places sometimes and if you ever prayed for an anthem for all the poor souls who've had to hide their love away it couldn't be more perfectly answered than in the technicolor rooting tooting buckskin thigh slapping sensation that is doris day in calamity jane. she says it all so i don't have to. open your heart and sing.

doris day - secret love