Monday 24 March 2008
why are there easter bunnies and eggs and stuff ?
last year there was a bit of media hoo hah about easter and no one knowing what it was all about and how we were all a national disgrace and stupid scum and whatnot so this year to save you any embarrassment when the daily mail pop round to quiz you i thought i'd fill you in on all the top facts. i mean easter is tricky (not like christmas which is easy - it's father christmas's birthday so it's called christmas, stupid) but my understanding of it is that there was this jesus kid who could do miracles and he didn't like eggs so he turned them into chocolate when his mum wasn't looking and he had a pet rabbit cos he liked rabbits but one day the rabbit got in the way when he was turning an egg to chocolate and the bunny got turned to chocolate by accident and then later on some blokes killed jesus and put him in a cave but like in ET and the terminator and that he wasn't really dead but he couldn't get out of the cave cos there was a boulder in the way so he turned the boulder into a chocolate egg and ate it so he could get out so thats how we get easter eggs and chocolate bunnys and stuff. and the fish get the money... (stan laurel taught me everything i know)
anyway...bunnies and chocolate and jesus and that...
in 1981 the thing i most wanted to go to was the echo and the bunnymen shine so hard thing in the middle of bloomin' nowhere with derek jarman films and all sorts but none of my little pals had a car and there wasn't a bus from preston so i had to settle with a poster for it and the eps worth of stuff that got released that my little sister robbed off me
echo and the bunnymen - crocodiles (live)
i thought i'd have loads of tunes about chocolate what with it being so universally adored and all but i don't. well i never. i've got this though from the monday nights dancing to the same records every week at norman jays thing at the bass clef when hoxton was still shoreditch and the london apprentice had the scariest dark room ever (you don't want to know really you don't)
chocolate milk - action speaks louder than words
and who wouldn't like someone who could turn stuff into chocolate and booze (although there was that thing with the bunny which was a bit careless and there's all those funny folk who say they like him but are generally horrid about pretty much everything else and there's some frankly bizarre god business (what the hell's that about...)
a tramp and an orchestra and gavin bryars and tom waits - jesus blood never failed me yet
i hope that all helps