a christmas gift for you

well i'm really really sorry for bringing destruction to the world and all but i just couldn't help myself what with the being intrinsically morally evil and what have you but hey what with it being the season of goodwill to all perhaps i could go a tiny way to at least making you giggle a bit as we burn. and if jim broadbent isn't the greatest virgin mary ever then i'm a loving pope.

the national theatre of brent - the greatest story ever told

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you know

this old bit of gorgeousness has been stuck in my noggin for days and every time it plays rita tushingham pops up too like it's a soundtrack for something somewhere between a taste of honey and the leather boys or something. something i desperately want to see. i bet no one would cast dear rita these days the silly sods. i mean the then rita not the now one. is there anyone? anyone even slightly as ace? anyone who could call you ducks and not have the entire pictures get up and go home?

richard hawley - i'm on nights



buy yours from rough trade why don't you

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remember remember

beer then wine you'll feel fine

wine then beer you'll feel queer


ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... duckie

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on the town

there's one of those festive season excursions for the old folks this evening digging the happening sounds of yesteryear today. a top class turn a small sherry and home by half past ten. marvelous. if your home are letting you out do say hello. i'll be hugging the bar in regulation stripey jumper and radclyffe hall issue brogues.

an old one

stereolab - eye of the volcano

a new one
stereolab - three women


an 'inspiration'...
the casualeers - dance dance dance

what i did on my holidays

got in truck - big pick up for blending in with scary locals on the lookout for sarcastic fags but not as big as we wanted. somehow all planetary goodness is suspended in the hire car lot and i don't fancy heading into the dessert (it wiil always be called the dessert and we we always at least smirk when we say it) in something wiener and puny and besides you need room for a stetson in there. immediately start looking for kill a queer for christ bumper stickers so we can attach the pre-prepared ss's we've brought specially. there's a big yellow thing in the sky that makes stuff warm that i think i remember from somewhere. howl with delight buying beer from the petrol station. spoil blending in when the stereo belts out the pet shop boys singing go west. saved by the cadillacs. thankyou spud.

the cadillacs - speedoo
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the wonder of woolies

so where will the modern teen of today in search of a slipped out of the charts/never quite got in the charts 49p box on the counter slightly creased over thumbed through singles from now goddamnit ? all those didn't like it enough to pay full price for it but it's a bit better than all the other crap in here and now i've got it home it's actually flipping genius singles ? the poor little tykes. c'mon people just think about the children. oh and all the poor buggers with no job now. damn you whoevers fault this is! damn you all to hell!



bananarama - love in the first degree

and yet more nanas

up the wooden hills

back and freezing and insomnia tortured to pieces and i've somehow managed to sigh and wriggle my back out and not the good sighing and wriggling neither but the please please please let me sleep now sort the jeez my brain can't entertain me for this many hours in a row sort the bored stupid and going mental sort. still the roadtrip was aces and worth a bit of payback (but it can stop now if it likes). i'm going back to bed.

roy orbison - in dreams

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a quick one

just before we zoom off a quick thankyou for all your top tips and general lovliness these past however long it's been. i'll see you in a couple of weeks. be good now.

monochrome set - jet set junta

chairmen of the board - so glad you're mine

the whispers - it's a love thing
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help!

help! help! help! cactus time is coming up fast and i've been too busy hobbling off to a&e with a poorly foot to get a roadtrip soundtrack together and things are getting desperate. i need lists people! lists! you do do lists now don't you dears ?

eno & byrne - help me somebody

james brown - i need help (i can't do it alone)

jose feliciano - help!

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spread love

sorry to rattle on dears but this had me in floods...

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shame on you california

there's been a whole lot of change gonna come this past few days but the fine folk of california have sure been getting the wrong end end of the stick or at least paying way too much attention to the bit that goes

then i go to my brother
and i say brother help me please
but he winds up knocking me
back down on my knees

and fighting to take away their neighbour's rights. imagine that. not fighting for your rights but fighting to take them away. the bleedin' rotters went and voted yes to proposition 8 and now all those lovers who ain't one man and one woman can put the confetti back in the box and stop arguing about who gets to sit next to to who and cancel the fittings for that huge white fairytale creation and get used to lurking back down the dark end of the street.
so well done america. you nearly made me feel good for five whole days.

dusty springfield - don't let me lose this dream



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toot toot yeah beep beep

just go back to the horsey thing and change donna summer for hem and bad girls for horsey and pollocks toy museum and the tenderest mournfulest americananess for greek street walk ups and super disco breakin' and we should be pretty much there. ta for the help - it's that kinda monday.

donna summer - bad girls

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still polaroidy

tenor saw - ring the alarm
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buy your tenor saw and more from sounds of the universe

riding a horsey

sometimes a picture just whirrrrrrs out with a tune stuck tight to it and mosttimes it's no bizarre association nonsense it's just bloomin' obvious that pollocks toy museum window and the tenderest mournfulest americananess of the first hem lp go just right

hem - horsey

rabbit songs is a record that you really should have so do buy one dearies it's lovely

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instant happiness

citizens of the future! gaze upon picture takings greatest triumph and drool! it's the snappy choice of the discerning jet-setter the oooh it's a bit heavier than i thought it'd be and should it really make that stomach churning crunch when i open it hit of 1972 and in no time at all even the film that needs butchering and filtering to work in the heavenly creature will be gone daddy gone and it'll join the paillard-bolex on the bookcase being a bugger to dust and a sigh at yet another lost wonder







ebay's full of the poor unwanted beauties and you can still just about get film if you try and try you really should dears before it's too late.


king curtis - instant groove


and finally a little gem from the office of charles and ray eames...

born to be mild

the dustysevens wagon is ready set and rolling west sweetiepies desert roadtripping before the fog and damp have ruined me entirely so it's guide books by the dozen and a floor full of maps and a truck to rent (gun rack essential if we're heading into texas) and an armful of cds to make for zooming around the desert inbetween as much bizarre mexican radio as we can stand (quite a lot) and your hot local knowledge would be a wonderous thing dear pals. anyone know good arizona new mexico texas type stuff that the over excited but ever stylish visitor should never ever miss ??? we're packed full so far of missiles and rockets and space centers and cactuses and judge roy bean and white sands all sorts but if you're from out there or you've been or you've seen something on the telly let us know darlings and we'll be most most grateful.
and obviously no roadtrip can be undertaken without this. obviously.

steppenwolf - born to be wild

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usual please dave

right. that's it. no more booze till... well no more booze till i can't possibly stand no more booze one more second without exploding. i do like a little drink now and again (mainly again) and if there's just me in a corner of a lovely dingy little boozer of a chilly afternoon i'm fine nursing a sneaky half or a tinkling some ice around a tumbler of something sweet it's when there's company the trouble starts. my big mouth just can't stay shut and there's unstopable babbling that turns into incomprehensible rambling before the first bleeding rounds finished. so here goes nothing.

the carpenters - i won't last a day without you

all we ask is that you get down

we feel better having you around

positive force - we got the funk

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totally wired

so my eyes are now officially square. well oblong at least. and ruined from sitting way too close to the screen. the whole first series of the wire in 5 evenings. thankyou westminster libraries. £2.60 a week sounded like a bargain at the time but geez have you seen how much specs cost these days... i'm ruined. apparently it's the best telly ever but i'm still not doing endless quality catchphrases or bad impressions or giggling to myself in the lift at that bit where mrs doyle won't let ted have cake or homer pours lighter fuel on the barbeque or arthur won't get the drinks in or even where that little duckling tries to get tom to eat it cos it's so ugly. and i've got a six week wait for series 2.

lorez alexandria - baltimore oriole

stiff little fingers - barbed wire love

the raw herbs - so wired

nina simone - baltimore



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get happy

y'all read books now don't cha sweetiepies ? well i could surely do with a little help here darlings to find me something to brighten a heart these autumny days and nights something that just for once isn't hard boiled or dark or grim or devastating or even just a bit moody. that lot up there's the been read lately pile and that's missing all the library stuff which was mainly lots of raymond chandler and moondust which was a marvel but got swamped fast by more backwoods gothic so i'm in dire need of some joy or tenderness or hope or hell just something that isn't rain sodden and blood soaked and desperate... help me somebody

gene pitney - just one smile

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trying not to cry out loud

first alton now levi - bugger.

four tops - are you man enough

open all hours

blimey - for the first time ever i've hit my bandwidth limits (whatever the bleedin' hell that means) for all the tunes on here so sorry children if you've had trouble getting to stuff. i've moved some recent things elsewhere so you should be able to fill yer lugholes with beautiful noises again with just a click or two. i hope that works.

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torment tuesday

poor dear old alton. if you've ever popped round here before you'll know how much i love his records. goodbye mr soul.

alton ellis - if i could rule this world

alton ellis - girl i've got a date




now hop on down to sounds of the universe and gorge yourself on alton goodies just like this one

modal monday

the day that fairy leaps out of the bushes and grants those three big wishes you've got to be ready teddy no uhming and ahhing and messing the whole darned thing to pieces. mine are easy. there's the one for her and the one for the whole wide stupid world and the selfish greedy me me me one that lets my creaking old bones whirl and twirl and untangle and find the steps somewhere in those big beautiful chords and finally peel themselves off the wall and i dance jazz

yusef lateef - brother john

(it's a right click and save as one this time dears)

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call me sherlock

so our dear friend over at crying all the way to the chipshop is 'busy' huh ? well now we know just what the little tyke is up to... vegas one night atlantic city the next. well i never did.



diana ross and the supremes - love child

with thanks to geoff fox for the atlantic city picture

que ?

the best thing about records in languages you don't speak is that they can pretty much mean what you want them to mean. so for para read stinky

hell forget the title just dig the folk funk wah wah genius of the darned thing

milton nascimento - para lennon e mccartney

fantabulosa

how fabulous is the new glen campbell lp ? gloriously fabulous dears

back to the world

home again to the best of winter london dreary and you turn your back for a second and marshall street baths are a pile of rubble and boulevard strip is the french pussycat club or some purple neoned monstrosity but then i'm quite keen on purple neoned monstrosities and the cloud is down so far everything the other side of centrepoint is a mystery

dusty springfield - welcome home

don't forget your brolleys children
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like a motorway

mel torme - comin' home baby
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horny

halfway into a fortnight in the north pied up and sentimental as hell and missing home and there's something happens deep inside when those horns kick in

grimethorpe colliery band - en aranjuez com tu amor

williams fairey brass band - pacific 202


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buy! buy! buy!

we're off to the deepest darkest north for a week or so to cry over smouldering piers groan at shoddy football and add a crippling gas bill avoiding winter layer with the aid of too many butter pies so here's something i've been saving for a special occasion. even though i'm rubbish at special occasions. there was supposed to be 200th post disco week special a week or two back but i got distracted and missed it and now it'll just be any old week disco week which i think sounds better anyway. anyway right back to the occasion thing the every home should have one and now thanks to some lovely reissuey types they can do thing. the barbara and ernie lp. the one with the most marvelous cover you'll ever see. this one here...


i mean how could a record with a cover like that've been lost and neglected and unloved for so so long. it's a bleedin' outrage. and the stuff inside is even fabber. imagine that! blimey. it sort of feels terrible spoiling that first play for you with a little taster but hell i just can't help myself. but i'll save the best songs for you to hear for yourselves on your very own record. i wish i could be there to see your little faces when play with fire comes on. you lucky lucky people...

barbara and ernie - for you

barbara and ernie - somebody to love


now buy buy buy

mad skillz

dazzle yer friends!
stun yer lover!
pull shapes!
throw shade!
here's how my sweet dears



and if you need a soundtrack to your adventures how's about this then

jimmy london - i'm your puppet

because the music they constantly play says everything to me about my life

okay i'm trawling through some 10p show about manchester pop and knowing exactly what i'm gonna get the same old moaners and groaners and bighead rotters with the odd peak at howard and pete but hold up wait a minute there right there just after 10cc for gawds sake there's a bizarre cut to philadelphia 1974 and this this beautiful thing i'd forgotten all about...

sweet sensation - sad sweet dreamer

and bugger me but it turns out that the little fellow singing his little heart out is only marcel flipping king that's marcel reach for love king marcel right up there with the best records factory ever put out king that marcel king all growed up. this marcel king...

marcel king - reach for love

as it's a manchester thing everything ends up all sad and desperate and awful obviously but i'll leave you to find out the tragic truth for yourselves if you must. if i were you i wouldn't. i'd stick with christmas 1974 and sir james saville ...

the tempo : carefree

so what is with sundays and jazz huh ? why does something strata easty or full of prestige stereo go with too much tea and a bit of light dusting so regularly of a back end of the week ? and are the trad boys still spoiling a well earned spot of inevitably inedible nut roast before the football in boozers all over this land ? me i'm snakehipped and swinging the hoover round with some bossa piano magic

tenorio jr - consolacao

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a friend of britain

the best bench in the loveliest brave little park just by the library. lets all shout yaaaaayyy to alf now peoples






barry white - let the music play

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homebody

keeping it kind of cosy and soppy and slushy and quiet and curled up warm hiding from the rain

al green - simply beautiful

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